


block out the sun.

by earltrancy



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Extended Metaphors, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-02
Updated: 2018-03-02
Packaged: 2019-03-26 03:29:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 842
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13849143
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/earltrancy/pseuds/earltrancy
Summary: “Because, Jumin,” V said with a sweet smile, looking up at the glow around the clouds that had made their way in front of the sun. “The day I go blind will be the day I die.





	block out the sun.

He'd tried to get an explanation for weeks. Then months. Then more months, and then somehow nearly two years had passed. Nearly two years of the same question, the same confusion.

They had laid out a picnic blanket, a traditional, red-checkered one. He sat leaning back on his hands, staring at V lying on his back next to him. It had come up again, so he had asked again, habitually, not expecting much from the answer at this point.

“Because, Jumin,” V said with a sweet smile, looking up at the glow around the clouds that had made their way in front of the sun. “The day I go blind will be the day I die.”

Jumin tilted his head and looked at him strangely, but V didn't look away from the sky.

“Why do you say that?”

At last, V turned onto his side to face Jumin. He propped up his head on his arm and hummed, considering his response.

“Don't they describe dying as the world going black?” V said finally. “The light leaving you. I can feel it coming, now. Any day, even.”

Jumin frowned, his forehead creasing as he looked into faraway blue eyes through dark sunglass lenses. “Has it really gotten that bad?”

“I wouldn't say bad,” he mused, then conceded, “but yes, steadily darker. It happened long ago, metaphorically. It feels familiar.”

It was artist’s speech. V’s personal language that even Jumin could hardly understand. “To me, it seems… that Rika leaving this world is far different from the light of the world leaving your eyes.”

“This is true,” V agreed. “Only the cruel irony of my own metaphors connect the two. Yet, it feels as if… As if she wanted me to make such a connection. Perhaps with my death she will finally be appeased.”

Something at last snapped together in Jumin’s head. “You're - speaking of suicide?”

“I'm speaking of a means of facilitating nature's true course,” he answered, so gently, with a smile that seemed to bruise Jumin’s very soul. “But in the literal sense, yes.”

“I - I won't allow it,” Jumin stammered, at an utter loss for words. “V - Jihyun, you can't think - that I’d just let you -”

“Why do you say that?” V mimicked, looking into Jumin’s eyes with some forlorn, twisted peace. “There's no life left for me to live, Jumin. I have no purpose.”

Blunt force jarred the side of his face before V even registered seeing Jumin’s fist, as if the action had happened backwards. “Ju-?”

“You damned poetic bastard,” he spat, practically growled. “How - how dare you? I try so hard to sympathize with these - artistic, depressive tendencies of yours.” Jumin paused, attempting to ease his own tension. He took a slow, deep breath. 

“You are my dearest friend, Jihyun, even if I don't always understand you. Perhaps I should have guessed you felt this way, but if I'd - if I'd known, you know I would have done everything in my power to get you whatever you need.”

V sighed, starting to interject, “Jumin, it would have been pointl-”

“Don't start,” Jumin menaced, and V flinched, nodding. 

“You've always been so prone to self-sacrifice. Wanting no one to feel your suffering but you. That, I can mostly understand,” he admitted. 

“But this is not the same. Jihyun.” His friend's gaze snapped back to him. “Asking me to accept this is selfish.”

It felt like Jumin had swung another punch.

It took V a moment to respond. “It is, isn't it?” He let himself think aloud, laying down again with a troubled expression. “Am I selfish? Did I steal the sun from the sky?” 

Before Jumin could answer, he saw V squeeze his eyes shut, then put his hands over them. “Jumin, does the sun shine less brightly each day to me because my heart shone less truly each day to her?”

Jumin raised an eyebrow before opting to lay down as well, resting a hand on his friend's shoulder. “What are you saying, Jihyun?” 

V moved his hands and opened his eyes; when they met Jumin’s, they were bleary. He put one hand lightly over Jumin’s. Jumin could feel him trembling. 

“I ruined her, Jumin. I - I saw a person as more than a person. I made her into an artwork that I'd imprisoned her in and I ruined her, I ruined her. I ruined her. I…” 

V cried like there was a soft rainstorm behind his clouded blue eyes, his face the picture of grief and guilt and genuine suffering. Jumin folded him into his arms without a second thought, and with Jumin’s hands running down his back or curling in his hair, V told Jumin a million secrets, showed him every skeleton that had piled up in his closet for the past nearly two years. 

“I’m a monster, aren't I?” V gave Jumin a smile that didn't reach his eyes. “I’d be disgusted with me, too.”

“Even worse, Jihyun. You are a human.” 

V saw Jumin’s smile, felt Jumin’s hand sliding through his hair. He laughed.

**Author's Note:**

> tumblr: [psychzen](psychzen.tumblr.com)


End file.
